moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
