She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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