I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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