I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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