Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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