when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
