She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
