i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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