you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
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She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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