once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
