you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
