remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Man, jail baloney is awful.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
