i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
