Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
