Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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