Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
