When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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