gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
