my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize