So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he thought i was a dude.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
