it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
