so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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