That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
