do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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