god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
