sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
