I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
