For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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