I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
