Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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