so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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