Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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