So drunk, too bad you don't want this
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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