Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize