my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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