she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
