I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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