Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Church boner. Awkwardddd
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
