Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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