Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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