We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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