The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
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