At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
