hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
