Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
