Sry I called you an 8
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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