people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize