glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
