yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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