Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
