We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
