I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So squirting runs in the family.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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