guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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