I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
