Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
