If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
