What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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