My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
