You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
