i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
