my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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