walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
