For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
