I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I enjoy the company of your penis
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
