If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
