i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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